About LGBTQ Abuse
How is LGBTQ partner abuse similar to abuse in non-LGBTQ relationships?
- No one deserves to be abused.
- Abuse can be physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, financial, or psychological.
- Abuse often occurs in cyclic fashion (link to cycle of violence).
- Abuse can be deadly.
- The purpose of the abuse is to maintain control and power over one’s partner.
- The abused person may feel isolated, afraid, and convinced that they are at fault.
- The abused person risks the loss of community if they tell.
- If the abused person has children, they risk the loss of children if they tell.
- The incidence rate of partner abuse in LGBTQ relationships is approximately the same as for non-LGBTQ people – 25-30% of relationships are abusive.
- The end of the relationship involves grief and loss.
How is LGBTQ partner abuse different from abuse in non-LGBTQ relationships?
- Living in a homophobic, transphobic, sexist, and heterosexist society creates a different context for the abuse, including gender dynamics in the relationship.
- Racism creates a distinctive context of LGBTQ people of color who experience abuse in relationships, and an entirely different context in transgender people of color.
- LGBTQ people who have been abused, including men, may have more difficulty finding useful support than heterosexual women do.
- The myth prevails that LGBTQ relationship abuse is “mutual.” Few assume that abuse in non-LGBTQ relationships is mutual.
- Utilizing existing services, such as police reporting or partner abuse programs, is similar to coming out and is a major life decision.
- Within the LGBTQ community, support may not exist. To talk about LGBTQ abuse reinforces the homophobic myth that LGBTQ people are “sick” or that LGBTQ relationships are unhealthy.
- LGBTQ survivors may know few other LGBTQ people; leaving an abuser could mean increased isolation.
- LGBTQ people who do know many other LGBTQ people may risk losing friends if they disclose about the abuse. Some LGBTQ friends may believe an abuser and not a survivor. This could also lead to increased isolation.
- Transmen and transwomen may have problems finding partners of their desired sexual orientation; their partners also need to be accepting of their gender. This will make the pool of potential partners smaller.
- The LGBTQ community may feel small; news of the abuse can become public knowledge. This may be true for transpeople who are sensationalized by the press.
- The abusive partner can use blackmail to hold a survivor in the relationship. Being outed at work or to parents can be more threatening than the abuse. In trans relationships, the threat of obstruction of transitions may be used.
- There is little clear language to talk about rape in LGBTQ relationships. Because people don’t have language to discuss rape in LGBTQ relationships, studies sometimes indicate that rape or sexual abuse is less likely to occur in the context of partner abuse for LGBTQ people. In reality, rates of sexual assault in LGBTQ relationships are similar to rates of sexual assault in non-LGBTQ relationships.
The Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women Confronting Lesbian Battering Manual by Susan C. Turell, PhD, and Molly M. Herrmann, MS